Does He Really Love The Other Woman
I often hear from wives who are very confused about the feelings and thoughts of their husband after he has cheated on them. Many husbands will tell you that this is one of the most difficult things to deal with because there’s really no way for him to explain it to you without sounding like an idiot. Or worse yet, your husband might even try to give you words that sound heartfelt but which are nothing more than excuses.
A common response I get is “my husband says that he loves me and our family. But how can this possibly be true if he was having an affair?” I’ll admit that when I first found out about my husband’s affair, I wasn’t sure what to think. And part of what made this so confusing is that I didn’t understand why he would want someone else. We had been together for many years. So why would he risk all of those years of hard work by cheating? It seemed completely illogical.
The truth is that men don’t always say exactly what they mean. They sometimes use code words or vague phrases when they’re trying to avoid pain or embarrassment. You have to keep in mind that while your husband may believe that he loves you, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he wants to stay married to you.
Sometimes, men grow apart from their wives over time and then decide that maybe they aren’t meant to be together anymore. This isn’t always due to infidelity. Sometimes, the couple grows apart as a result of personal struggles, career changes, lifestyle changes, etc. However, once these issues are resolved, some people find that the attraction begins to fade and eventually disappears.
Your husband might feel this tug toward the other woman and think that he needs her more than she needs him. Perhaps he feels too guilty to continue on with you. Or perhaps he’s afraid of losing himself in the process of saving his marriage. Some men worry that they won’t be able to make the transition back into being happy again. Others worry that they won’t be good enough for either of you.
These worries often come from somewhere deep inside of him. He’s struggling with feelings that are much deeper than you probably realize. If you’ve tried talking to him and gotten nowhere, it could be worthwhile to consider seeing a counselor or therapist. Even if he refuses to do this, at least you’ll know where this comes from and you’ll have some idea of what you need to address.
It also helps to remember that not every situation is the same. There are situations where a husband claims to love his wife and immediately cheats on her. Then there are others where the husband is still committed to his wife, but has fallen in love with someone else. These circumstances are different and require different responses.
So let’s talk about the scenario described above. Where does the wife go from here? Does she accept that her husband truly believes that he loves her but only wants to save his own soul rather than his marriage? Does she accept that although he loved her before, now he only feels affection for this other woman? Does she choose to walk away and start new life with the husband or does she attempt to reconcile with the other woman?
Each of these decisions is going to depend upon each individual case, but I’d suggest giving yourself some time to evaluate whether or not you’d like to pursue reconciliation or leave your husband. It’s important to take care of yourself and to heal. Your husband should never expect anything from you until you’re ready to offer it.
If you decide to stay, however, you’ll need to approach this carefully. Don’t rush things. Make sure that you establish boundaries and limitations. Acknowledge that there’s tension in the air right now and agree to set aside any petty differences. Try to focus on getting along well together. In short, you’ll want to show him respect and allow him to do the same.
And finally, you must be patient. Men tend to take longer to respond to changes in themselves or their feelings. Often, they have to sort out their emotions and discover what they really want. As long as you remain upbeat and positive, you’ll help him to move forward and to see that you both deserve better.
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