How To Deal With People You Don’T Like

You’re at work or school, there’s an awkward situation developing between two people, perhaps one is confronting the other over something, maybe someone said something rude to them or vice versa. They may not even know each other! Whatever the reason for the confrontation, a way needs to be found to break the tension. The problem is how do we deal with this person when we don’t like them? It’s hard to walk away and pretend nothing has happened, but you need to find a solution because if things escalate then this could become an all-out war.
When you don’t like someone you’ll probably try and avoid them as much as possible, so here are a few tips on dealing with them.
It’s normal to feel uncomfortable in these situations and many people will go into defense mode. This is where anger and defensiveness come from. There is often no easy answer, which is why sometimes people just end up ignoring certain people completely. If you have tried talking to them and they are still being difficult, then there is only one option left open to you.
Accept that you can’t get on with everyone. Try and put a positive spin on what they are saying. Be aware of your own emotions. Don’t take it personally and get some space. Just think about how upset you would be if someone was doing this to you, or worse still, were trying to harm you. Express your feelings calmly and consider using a referee. Pick your battles. Don’t let yourself get drawn into a battle with someone who really isn’t worth it.
If you are having problems getting on with a co-worker, boss or family member then you might want to seek professional help from a therapist or life coach. Remember, you deserve happiness too and most importantly you should never hurt another human beings feelings. So whatever happens, remember to stay calm, keep your cool and make sure you respond appropriately rather than resorting to violence. Violence begets violence.
Here are some simple steps you can follow to manage confrontations effectively.
Step 1 – Accept That You Can’t Get On With Everyone
There is always going to be people out there that you won’t like or you will dislike. You might not even realise it until it’s too late. What matters is whether you choose to give them more attention by engaging with them and making their behaviour known. If you ignore them then they will eventually disappear from your radar and you’ll wonder what ever happened to them. But if you continue to engage with them, then you’ll start to notice their negative behaviours and make judgments based upon those observations.
Step 2 – Find A Way To Put A Positive Spin On Their Behaviour And Comment
When you see them behaving badly, look for the silver lining. Ask yourself “What good does this behavior bring to them?” Perhaps it makes them feel better about themselves. Maybe it gives them a sense of power over others. In any case, instead of thinking negatively, focus on finding a positive aspect of their behavior. When you do, you’ll find yourself becoming less angry. The key here is to comment on their behavior without attacking them directly.
For example, say:
“Wow, I’m surprised to see you here today, I didn’t realize you’d been promoted!” Or
“I’m glad you’ve started working here; I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”
This subtle approach shows respect for the individual while also conveying that you aren’t threatened by their new position. You shouldn’t attack them verbally either. Instead of calling them names or telling them off, ask questions such as:
“Why did you decide to take this job?”
“What made you change your mind?”
Step 3 – Get Some Space From Them By Leaving The Situation Or Avoid Contact For As Long As Possible
Once you’ve noticed their bad behavior, step back and leave the situation immediately. Go home and spend time alone. Take a day or weekend off work. Get some distance from the situation. Leave the office early and head straight home. Do anything to remove yourself physically from the scene and emotionally from the issue. Your body language speaks volumes and if you’re standing close to them your subconscious will take over, causing you to behave aggressively.
Step 4 – Talk About Your Experience Later With Someone Who Isn’t Upset By The Event
Don’t hold onto your anger inside. Share your experience with someone else who hasn’t witnessed the event first hand. Talking about it will allow you release your stress and anger. Tell someone who doesn’t know the whole story about what happened. Sometimes sharing our experiences helps us process the emotions associated with them. We can talk through scenarios with someone else to figure out if we behaved correctly during the incident.
Step 5 – Never Attack Another Person Directly Without Provocation
Never tell them they are wrong, stupid or ugly. No matter how tempting it might seem. These words will only lead to further conflict. Focus on the behavior you wish to improve – not the individual. If you’re faced with a difficult person, then you must learn how to deflect aggressive energy before it escalates into a full blown fight.
Use humour to diffuse the situation. Even though you don’t like the person, acknowledge their existence. Say hello, smile and even compliment them, but don’t use it as ammunition to insult them. Also, watch your tone of voice. Aggressive people love to hear negativity thrown at them. They feed off of it and take it personal. So stick to constructive criticism and always speak in a polite manner.
Avoid being overly emotional. If you act like a victim and blame others for your misfortune, then you’ll attract similar people into your life. Stay calm and collected. Make sure you express your true feelings in a mature fashion.
Finally…
Remember, it’s okay to disagree with somebody. Unless you’re violent or abusive, then it’s best to avoid taking things too far. Getting upset and losing control of your emotions is normal. However, when you lose your temper it’s usually a sign that you care deeply about something. Therefore, you mustn’t react violently unless the other party provokes you.

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