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How To Not Hate Yourself

by Lyndon Langley
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How To Not Hate Yourself

How To Not Hate Yourself

This feeling about ourselves is common because every person is divided. We are all inherently good but also bad, we love unconditionally and hate without reason, we are kind and cruel, we want to be happy and can’t let go of despair, we’re capable of great things yet make mistakes too, etc. And so on.  The world is a complicated place and it’s easy to get lost within the chaos. It’s just easier to stay within your own comfort zone than try something new.
But there’s another problem. We tend to judge people by their appearance or what they do rather than who they really are. This feeling about ourselves is common because every person is divided. Every human being has both positive and negative traits. Some people have more “good” qualities while others have more “bad” ones. Some are generous with money, some are miserly; some live healthy lifestyles, some don’t care much about their health; some are smart, some aren’t, etc.
And when you look at yourself, you see only the parts that you appreciate most. You may notice your good side but, if you’re not aware of the other sides, you won’t know how to balance them out.
So this leads to self-hate. When you hate yourself, you become angry with yourself for having flaws, imperfections, shortcomings, failures, and weaknesses. And then you start judging yourself harshly for these. In fact, hating yourself is one of the worst feelings ever. Why? Because it creates a vicious cycle where you hate yourself even more and create even worse outcomes in life, which makes you hate yourself even more… and so on.
Here are some tips on how to stop hating yourself:
1) Become Aware Of Your Feelings About Yourself
You probably already know how you feel about yourself. But why do you hate yourself? Is it because of your looks? Or maybe you didn’t finish school or get married early? Perhaps you have financial problems? Are you always late for work? Do you drink too much alcohol? All of those things could be true but none of them define who you truly are. They simply describe an aspect of your personality, character, life circumstances, or experiences. However, unless you identify the core issue, you’ll never understand the root cause of your unhappiness.
To figure out what’s bothering you about yourself, take time to reflect on your past year. Was it a successful year? What were your highlights and low points? Did you accomplish the goals you set? If yes, congratulations! Now think back over the last 12 months. Were you satisfied with the results of your actions? Why or why not? What went wrong? How did it affect you emotionally? If no, why not? What was missing? Where did you fall short? What did you need to change? How will you improve next year?
2) Identify Your Values
Once you’ve identified the areas where you fell short, ask yourself what values mean to you. What does it mean to be honest, fair, loyal, responsible, trustworthy, helpful, loving, patient, respectful, courageous, persistent, compassionate, peaceful, joyful, supportive, tolerant, honest, forgiving, humble, optimistic, grateful, friendly, truthful, and open-minded? Then consider if you’re living according to those values. For example, if you value fairness, do you treat everyone fairly? If compassion means helping someone in pain, have you been able to help someone else when they were hurting? If honesty means telling the truth, do you tell the truth to others?
3) Accept That Everyone Makes Mistakes
Everyone falls short from time to time. No matter how hard you try, sometimes you end up failing. So instead of getting upset when you fail, accept that you made a mistake and learn from it. Don’t beat yourself up thinking you should be perfect. Instead, focus on doing better next time. Remember, mistakes are part of the learning process. As long as you acknowledge what happened, forgive yourself, and move forward, you’ll grow stronger.
4) Learn From Others’ Failures
When you evaluate where you failed, realize that many other people have done the same thing before you. Look at their success stories. Think about how they overcame adversity and failure. Ask yourself, what did they do right? How did they bounce back after making mistakes? After reading inspirational stories, think about what you’d like to do differently next time.
5) Recognize Your Strengths
Now that you’ve identified where you failed, find ways to build strength around that particular area. Focus on improving your skills in that area. Understand that you cannot be strong everywhere. You need to develop a personal brand that reflects your unique strengths. One way to strengthen your weakness is to find a role model in that specific field. Once you identify his/her attributes, strive to integrate them into your lifestyle.
6) Be Honest With Yourself
It’s important to be realistic when evaluating your progress. If you compare yourself with unrealistic standards (e.g., comparing yourself to people who achieved extraordinary results through luck), you’ll likely feel discouraged, dejected, and defeated. On top of that, you’ll lose confidence in your abilities. Therefore, avoid setting impossible goals or expecting quick improvements.
7) Take Responsibility for Your Actions
If you feel that you deserve punishment, it’s a sign that you’re blaming yourself for your mistakes. Even though you may believe that you caused the outcome, deep down inside you know that you contributed to the situation. If you want to achieve certain outcomes, you must first accept responsibility for your current condition. Only then can you make changes.
8) Love Yourself More
You might say you love yourself unconditionally, but are you actually showing it? Loving yourself doesn’t mean blindly accepting everything about yourself. Rather, it means taking pride in your accomplishments and overcoming challenges. Try treating yourself to luxurious treats whenever possible. Go shopping for clothes that make you feel confident and beautiful. Buy an expensive piece of jewelry for special occasions. Treat yourself to a massage once in a while. Give yourself permission to enjoy simple pleasures in life such as eating ice cream or going to the movies alone.
9) Improve Your Self Confidence
Your level of self confidence determines whether or not you succeed. A lack of self confidence causes you to fear rejection, hesitate to take risks, procrastinate, and quit easily. On the contrary, high levels of self confidence are essential for achieving anything significant in life. Without it, you’ll settle for less and feel dissatisfied with your achievements. To gain confidence, identify your biggest fears and overcome them gradually.
10) Find Supportive Friendships
Having supportive friends is very important. Surround yourself with people who inspire you, encourage you, support you personally and professionally, and offer constructive feedback. Also, surround yourself with people who are similar to you. Having a lot of diverse opinions dilutes your energy and discourages growth.
11) Make Time for Fun Activities
Fun activities allow you to relax, relieve stress, and release your creative energies. Pick something that you enjoy and spend quality time doing it. Whether it’s playing video games, watching TV shows, spending time outdoors, traveling, dancing, working out, or cooking, choose something that brings you joy. Set aside time to pursue your passions and hobbies.
12) Practice Gratitude
Gratitude helps you maintain perspective when you face setbacks and difficulties. When you’re thankful for the blessings in your life, you don’t dwell on your negative thoughts and emotions. By focusing on gratitude, you’ll be able to turn negative situations into opportunities. Write down three things each day that you’re grateful for. Start small and eventually expand to writing 10 things per week.
13) Build Resilience
Resilience refers to our ability to recover quickly from difficult events or conditions. Our resilience can either enhance or hinder us. Resilient people keep moving forward despite obstacles. On the other hand, nonresilient people give up easily. To increase your resilience, practice mindfulness meditation regularly. Mindfulness allows you to step away from your emotional reactions and regain control of your mind. Another way to boost your resilience is to use visualization techniques. Visualizing yourself thriving during challenging times gives you the courage to persist until you reach your goal.
14) Develop Positive Habits
Practice developing positive habits. Change your behavior by changing your attitude. Decide to act differently in different scenarios. For instance, decide to wake up earlier, eat healthier food, exercise, or meditate. Choose actions that contribute to your happiness and well-being.
15) Create Meaningful Goals
Goals give purpose to your daily life. Use them to guide your decisions, motivate your efforts, and measure your progress. When you write your goals down, you commit to achieving them. But don’t obsess over your goals; instead, let them serve as roadmaps for your journey.
16) Avoid Negative People
Avoid negative people. Negative people bring negativity into your life. When you hang out with these kinds of people, you absorb their negativity and spread it to everyone you come into contact with. Stay away from toxic environments.
17) Laugh Often
Laugh often. Laughter reduces tension and anxiety and boosts your

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