Why Do Men Cheat On A Good Woman
In her book The Truth About Women & Love, author Sherry Argov says that one of the reasons why women are more prone to affairs than men is because we think differently from men. We tend to look at relationships through our emotions rather than strictly by logic, which can sometimes make us vulnerable. When it comes to infidelity, however, there’s no gender difference in how often we cheat — although we may be less likely to discuss it with our partners when we do.
According to research conducted by Dr. John Robinson, a psychologist at the University of Denver, men who cheat are usually motivated by selfishness and self-interests. They want sex and emotional intimacy but don’t necessarily feel emotionally attached to their partners. In fact, studies show that while most men seek sexual variety, many also experience boredom in their marriages, which can drive them toward extramarital affairs. For these men, infidelity isn’t so much about love or lust as it is about getting what you need sexually and emotionally outside of your current relationship.
A woman on the other hand is more likely to stray if she feels ignored or unappreciated. She wants to feel appreciated, desired and loved, and she feels like her partner doesn’t notice or care enough about her. As Sherry Argov writes in her book, “Men have affairs not because they lack passion, but because they lack confidence.”
While both men and women may have similar motivations for cheating, there are some key differences between the two genders that should help anyone navigate the treacherous waters of marital infidelity. First, women generally aren’t as willing to leave their partners behind once they’ve had an affair, whereas many men will go back home after an affair regardless of whether their spouse finds out or not. Second, women are more apt to talk about their infidelities with friends and family members, whereas men are far more likely to keep their indiscretions secret. Finally, there appears to be something biological at play here that makes men less likely to engage in complicated discussions about their romantic feelings for someone else.
As much as men may try to deny it, science confirms that men can indeed be very emotional creatures. According to Dr. Michael J. Rosenfeld, a clinical psychologist and professor of human development and social psychology at Stanford University, men are wired to be more expressive about their feelings than women are. This could explain why men are more likely to confide in a close friend about their struggles with depression, anxiety and anger. It also helps to explain why men are more likely to cry over a breakup than women are. However, it may also contribute to why men are more reluctant than women to open up about their romantic feelings for another person.
Birkel agrees that this tendency to express emotion is part of it, but he believes that it goes deeper than that. He explains that unlike women, who typically have strong bonds with their mothers, fathers and sisters, men rarely develop strong attachments to their father figures. Therefore, when they get into a new romantic relationship, they face unique challenges that haven’t been met before. Because they’re still trying to figure out what those missing bonds are, many men resort to seeking comfort in new relationships.
“It’s kind of like going into a dark room where you know there’s a light switch somewhere, but you don’t know where the switch is,” he says. “You stumble around until you find the right place to push the button and then suddenly there’s light. That’s essentially what happens when a man falls in love.”
The problem is that if his wife isn’t receptive to him, he may never learn to deal with these feelings himself. Instead, he may continue to search for relief in new places, including online dating sites. And because men are more likely to cheat than women, he may have several opportunities available to him at any given time.
So how do you stop a man from straying? One thing’s for sure, if you want to save your marriage, it’s best to approach the situation head on. You need to communicate honestly and openly without being accusatory. But above all, you have to listen to him and understand what drives him to cheat. Birkel recommends asking yourself why he cheated last time and then ask yourself why you fell in love with him in the first place. Was he really the right guy for you? Once you’ve answered these questions, you can begin to rebuild trust together.
If your husband has admitted to cheating, remember that he’s probably feeling overwhelmed by guilt, shame and regret. Try your best to avoid placing blame, even though you may feel justified in doing so. Birkel advises telling your husband that you believe he’s worth loving, even though you were wrong about him. Remind him that he was once trustworthy and loyal. Let him know that he deserves forgiveness, understanding and compassion. Your husband may surprise you by returning your feelings, especially if he’s struggling with feelings of inadequacy and insecurity.
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