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Why Do People Not Like Me

by Lyndon Langley
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Why Do People Not Like Me

Why Do People Not Like Me

Do you find yourself wondering why people don’t like you? Perhaps you have lots of close friends or family members, but no one seems interested in spending time with you. You may feel lonely even when you are around others, and wonder what’s wrong with you. It might seem as if everyone else has someone they enjoy being around while you’re alone. On the other hand, maybe you’ve never had any real problem making friends. Maybe you just don’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to hang out with you.
It’s natural for us to seek connections with others, whether we’re happy or unhappy about our lives. In fact, loneliness is so widespread that psychologists refer to it as “the new normal.” The American Psychological Association says that nearly half of all Americans will experience some kind of loneliness during their lifetime. Even those who do have strong social bonds report feeling disconnected from their friends and families. And according to research cited by Psychology Today, 75 percent of older adults say they would prefer to stay home rather than go anywhere where there were few others their age.
Social isolation isn’t always caused by an inability to make friends. Some people choose to isolate themselves because they believe it’ll help them cope better with life. They often think that if they spend less time interacting with others, they won’t get hooked into negative emotions. But in reality, this approach could backfire — especially for elderly individuals who already suffer from depression and anxiety. Spending too much time alone can also lead to boredom and depression.
If you’re truly concerned about your feelings of alienation, try talking to a therapist. You may need professional support if you struggle with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or substance abuse issues. Or you may simply need more positive outlets for expressing yourself and getting together with others.
For many of us, however, it’s not necessarily a matter of choice; sometimes, we don’t actively pursue friendships. We may be too shy or reserved to initiate conversations with strangers, or perhaps we put off reaching out to old acquaintances because we fear rejection.
So how does someone grow closer to his or her peers without actually forming relationships? Read on to learn ways to overcome your fears and start connecting with others.
Tips to Overcome Loneliness
You probably know that finding a job is hard enough when you’re unemployed. Add to that the difficulty of meeting potential mates, and the process becomes downright daunting. For starters, most people aren’t comfortable approaching complete strangers. That means you’ll need to develop your confidence before you can expect others to become friendlier with you. This usually involves working up the courage to speak to total strangers first.
Next comes the issue of building trust. Many introverted people tend to be suspicious of others and keep their distance until they feel safe doing otherwise. This is part of the reason why shy people avoid dating services and matchmaking groups. To build trust, you must show willingness to interact openly with others. Don’t worry if you’re still apprehensive after practice sessions with a group therapy class or volunteering at soup kitchens. Just remember that you should give people a chance to form opinions about you based on your actions. Eventually, they’ll see you as trustworthy and friendly.
Although you may not be able to change your personality overnight, you can improve your image by showing self-confidence. When you walk through the door of a party, don’t hesitate to talk to guests and introduce yourself. Give helpful suggestions or compliments about a person’s outfit. Be honest and sincere, and don’t assume that you can tell everything about another person just by looking at him or her. Although you may not recognize a guest right away, don’t let that discourage you from trying to strike up a conversation later.
Once you’ve built rapport, ask questions about the other attendees’ interests or activities. Then listen attentively to what they have to say. Make sure to reciprocate those sentiments, and offer assistance if you can.
Don’t forget that you don’t have to be perfect to make good impressions. Sometimes, people may find flaws endearing instead of annoying. For example, if you notice that a stranger has bad breath or body odor, don’t ignore it. Instead, use your observation skills to determine whether the individual needs a bath, or simply a quick brushing off. Try complimenting something nice that he or she wears, such as jewelry or clothing.
Finally, don’t focus exclusively on winning over strangers. Keep in mind that you may be happier when you meet people with whom you share commonalities. For instance, if you’re a bookworm, consider joining a library card service. This way, you can network with people whose hobbies and passions parallel yours.
Read on to learn how you can deal with difficult situations that arise when you attempt to connect with people outside your comfort zone.
When dealing with the opposite sex, you shouldn’t go overboard trying to impress them. Avoid coming across as desperate or overly flirtatious. After all, you should be open-minded and willing to accept invitations to events, but don’t act like a love-struck teenager. Instead, work on developing your personal style and cultivate healthy boundaries.
Overcoming Loneliness FAQs
The following frequently asked questions and answers provide guidance on overcoming loneliness.
Q: Is it rude to call my ex and invite her to lunch?
A: No, it’s not rude to reach out to your former partners. However, you should respect their privacy and leave sensitive topics behind. A casual invitation for coffee or drinks is fine. If you’d like to bring up past arguments, wait for your partner to suggest it.
Q: What if I’m single and afraid of rejection?
A: There’s nothing inherently wrong with being single and afraid of rejection. Remember that it takes two to tango. Someone might reject you, but that doesn’t mean you won’t attract someone else.
Q: How can I overcome my tendency to sabotage my efforts?
A: Use your willpower to remind yourself that you’re not going to achieve anything meaningful by giving up on establishing meaningful connections. Practice patience and persistence, and avoid comparing yourself to other people.
Q: Why can’t I make friends?
A: Everyone was once a loner, so it makes sense that you’re used to being alone. Accept that you’re different from most people and look for similar qualities in others.
Q: How can I stop obsessing over the possibility of falling in love?
A: Take care of yourself and nurture your emotional health. Learn to relax and realize that falling in love is not guaranteed, despite romantic movies. Love isn’t always everlasting and unconditional. Be patient and appreciate yourself for who you are now.
Q: What if I’m in a long-distance relationship?
A: While long-distance relationships can be challenging, they can also strengthen your bond. Communicate regularly using technology tools like Skype, IM and e-mail. Work on maintaining intimacy through phone calls, letters and regular visits.
Q: Are online communities really beneficial for loneliness?
A: Online communities are valuable resources for helping you maintain friendships. You can join forums and message boards that cater to your particular interest or hobby. These sites can also serve as networking hubs where you can exchange ideas or tips. By posting messages, pictures and stories you create opportunities for interaction with others. Also, try creating your own blog or website dedicated to sharing thoughts and experiences.
Q: Should I try online dating?
A: Dating websites are great ways to expand your horizons beyond your immediate circle of friends. However, you need to exercise caution when choosing potential partners. Evaluate each profile carefully. Ask questions about your dates’ background, hopes and dreams. Talk to your date’s references and check out their profiles.
To learn more about overcoming loneliness, visit the links on the next page.
According to a study published in 2010, women are more likely than men to be lonely. Researchers found that women between the ages of 30 and 60 reported a higher rate of loneliness compared to men in the same age range.

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