Why Does Everybody Hate Me

Everybody Hates Me. That’s why I’m moving to the other side of town.
“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” – Marilyn Monroe
It was a sunny afternoon in July when my sister and her husband decided to drop by our house for lunch. The four of us were having a great time talking about this and that, catching up on each others lives, when suddenly everything changed. We were sitting around the kitchen table eating lunch and laughing like we always did when they asked if we could use their phone line to call an important client.
My mom answered the phone and said “Hello?” into the receiver before handing it over to my dad who proceeded to tell her what he wanted to do. He explained how he would need her help getting his wife’s car out of the driveway because she had left the keys inside and no one else knew where they were. My dad then politely waited until my mother hung up the phone before saying, “I guess your husband isn’t home right now.” Then we all just sat there staring at him not knowing what to say.
The truth is, everybody hated my father. And yes, that included me.
When somebody tells you they hate you, it’s usually because they’re mad at you. They’re either angry with you or disappointed in you. But sometimes they hate you not because of what you’ve done but rather because of who you are.
And I wasn’t any different.
At some point during the conversation between my parents and my siblings, I felt a sense of hopelessness come over me. It was as though someone had taken the air from my lungs and replaced them with helium. A feeling of being powerless to change what was happening began to take hold of me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I couldn’t stop thinking about how everyone thought so poorly of me.
Everyday life presented many opportunities for people to treat me badly. For example, I worked at a grocery store and I noticed customers often made rude comments under their breath while they waited in line behind me. One day, I overheard a woman telling her friend that I reminded her of Hitler. Another customer told another employee that I looked like a skunk. When I told my boss these things, he simply shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh well… everybody hates me too”.
As I continued working at this job, I became more convinced than ever that everyone hated me. What kind of cruel world does such things exist? How was I supposed to make friends when even strangers seemed afraid to approach me?
In order to understand why I believed that way, let’s first have a look at the symptoms of persistent thoughts that “everybody hates me.” These thoughts may be associated with mental disorders that include paranoia, delusions, helplessness, or ruminations as a symptom. Some of which are: anxiety.depression, which research shows has a strong link with low self-esteem.
So how exactly do these types of thoughts develop? Simply put, they grow out of a person’s core belief system. This concept originated from Dr. David Burns’ theory called ‘Cognitive Therapy’. In essence, cognitive therapy focuses on changing beliefs through rational analysis. With this method, a therapist will ask questions about a specific problem and try to get a better idea of what underlying assumptions lie beneath it. Once the problem begins to clear up, the patient gains insight into the root cause of their anger.
Although my case study is fictitious, the experience I went through is based upon real events that happened in my own life. As a result I realized that I needed to find a solution to this problem of mine. Luckily, I found a wonderful therapist who helped me discover my innermost fears. Through several sessions, she slowly peeled away layers of skin covering my true personality. By uncovering these old wounds, I learned valuable lessons to guide me towards becoming a stronger and wiser individual.
Here are five steps to help you deal with persistent thoughts that “everybody hates you”:
1. Become aware of your internal dialogue. Are you hearing yourself talk back to the voice inside your head? Do you tend to ruminate on negative thoughts over and over again? Is your mind constantly filled with negative thoughts? If so, chances are you are experiencing stress. Stress causes your body to release adrenaline into your bloodstream. Adrenaline is a powerful hormone that affects the functioning of your brain. Although it makes you feel alert, it also increases heart rate, blood pressure, and respiration. So, if you keep stressing about what others think of you, your body will naturally begin to act as if you are physically threatened. Your mind will become preoccupied with fear and anxiety.
2. Take responsibility for your feelings. Anger and resentment towards others stems from your inability to accept responsibility for your own emotions. You must learn to control your urges to blame others for your problems. Blaming others means that you believe that your happiness depends completely on other peoples’ opinions of you. Happiness cannot be controlled by anyone except yourself. You decide whether you want to be happy or unhappy. Nobody can make you happy unless you allow them to. Just remember that blaming others doesn’t bring about solutions; instead, it only hurts the relationships you desire most.
3. Accept responsibility for your actions. Instead of focusing on what others think of you, focus on taking positive action. Being responsible for your actions allows you to live freely without worrying about what others think of you. Taking responsibility also helps you to avoid making hasty decisions that might lead to regret later. Regret comes from doing things halfway and not finishing them. Don’t worry about pleasing others; instead, work hard on finding ways to please yourself.
4. Improve your emotional intelligence. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) refers to the ability to recognize, manage, and express your emotions. People who possess high EQs are able to handle difficult situations calmly without losing their temper. Learning effective communication skills reduces the amount of conflict within your interpersonal relationships. Learning to be assertive will allow you to stand up for yourself and set boundaries. Assertiveness involves expressing your needs effectively. It requires courage to speak up for yourself especially when you feel hurt, mistreated, or disrespected. However, learning how to communicate assertively is crucial to developing healthy relationships.
5. Learn new coping strategies. Coping skills involve learning how to adapt to stressful circumstances. Coping skills are helpful in dealing with chronic stress and preventing burnout. Burnout occurs when prolonged stress overwhelms your abilities and leaves you exhausted. Chronic stress leads to health problems, including cardiovascular disease, headaches, stomach ulcers, fatigue, panic attacks, insomnia, and severe depression. Overcoming chronic stress takes practice. There are many techniques available to cope with stress. Try yoga, meditation, exercise, massage, music therapy, breathing exercises, journal writing, aromatherapy, acupuncture, and/or hypnosis.
By following these simple steps, you’ll be able to transform your life from one of constant negativity to one full of hope and joy!

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