Why Does It Feel Like Everyone Hates Me

It happens all the time: You’re minding your own business when suddenly someone makes a snide comment about how “ugly” you are, or worse, says it outright. Or maybe they make an offensive remark that is meant as a joke, but somehow ends up insulting you anyway. For whatever reason, someone decides to go out of their way to say hurtful things just because it gives them pleasure to do so. In either case, it sucks. And if it isn’t happening in real life, we know it must be happening online somewhere.
Everyone gets irritated with other people at some point or another, but for some, this can develop into what feels like complete hatred for another individual. It may not be directed specifically toward you, of course, but more often than not, it will be aimed directly at one person. It might end up being directed toward many people over time, and while you don’t necessarily need to solve every problem yourself, sometimes it helps to get help from family members and friends.
The good news is there are lots of ways to deal with these situations, depending on where the hate originates from. If it comes from within yourself, you’ll want to look inward first and take responsibility for any negative thoughts you’ve been having. This may mean changing your perspective and altering your behavior, or perhaps you could try meditating or doing yoga. If the haters come from outside sources, then it’ll likely require more aggressive tactics. We’ll discuss those next.
How Do People Become Hatred-Fueled?
There are several reasons why someone would become hateful toward someone else. Some common ones include jealousy, insecurity, fear, anger, and vengeance. Sometimes people engage in such behaviors because they feel personally attacked by the subject. Other times it’s simply a matter of a personality flaw that needs attention, whether it’s narcissism, paranoia, or plain old entitlement. Whatever the cause, it boils down to this: Someone feels disrespected.
When it comes to dealing with haters, the most effective tactic is to ignore them. The best thing you can do is avoid engaging in a conversation with them, especially if the only response you receive is negativity. When you start conversing with someone who has decided to hate you, it becomes a self-perpetuating cycle. They’ll keep going after you until you stop responding to them. If you can, it’s better to walk away and find something else to do instead, which brings us to our next point…
What Can You Do To Stop Hate From Growing Into Something Bigger?
If you don’t want to let someone’s hatred grow into animosity, the first step is to cut off communication with them completely. Don’t respond to anything they write, send, post, etc., unless it relates to the topic at hand. If it does relate, you should answer back in kind and without emotion. If they continue to harass you, block their number(s) or otherwise prevent contact. While this won’t always work immediately, it’s important to remain calm and collected throughout the process. This is the best way to break a cycle of hate and resentment.
Sometimes, however, haters will be haters no matter what you do. For example, if they’re extremely persistent or angry, you may need to enlist the services of legal professionals. There are also cases in which someone hates you enough to actually seek revenge against you. In these instances, you may need to file a restraining order, which prevents harassment by anyone (not just you). After you file it, you’ll need to follow through with its enforcement.
Finally, remember that you aren’t alone in this struggle. There are plenty of people who have dealt with similar circumstances, and there are resources available to help you cope with the situation. Check out the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)’s website for information on everything from helplines to free support groups. You can also search online for organizations that address mental health issues related to hate, including: BIPOCF, Black Lives Matter, Defend Dignity, End Violence Against Women International, Front Line LGBTQ, Healing Justice Project, Intersectionality Training Institute, Rainbow Sash, Trans Support Network, and YWCA USA.
In addition to getting help, it’s also possible to fight back against hate. One way is to write or talk about a personal experience with bigotry, showing how bad it affects people — both the hater and those targeted by hatred. Another option is to volunteer with local anti-hate organizations or join a political group focused on fighting prejudice. Be sure to check out NAMI’s page on activism for more ideas and options.
As for the haters themselves, it can help to reach out to them to see if you can change their minds. But this doesn’t usually happen quickly, so be patient and keep working at it. As mentioned earlier, you may need to use more extreme measures to resolve the issue. Before resorting to violence, though, be sure to consider seeking professional counseling, as well as talking to trusted loved ones and close friends.
Remember, everyone deserves respect, regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, age, socioeconomic status, disability, height, weight, body type, education level, profession, home ownership status, car ownership status, marital status, appearance, intelligence, social circles, mannerisms, clothing styles, hobbies, interests, and a whole slew of other factors. So whenever you encounter someone who seems to despise you, think twice before taking matters into your own hands.
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