Why Don T Girls Like Nice Guys
If you’re a nice guy who’s been dating for years with no success, one thing I can tell you is it’s unlikely your problem is just how nice you are. In 99% of the cases the reason isn’t that you’re nice. It’s something else.
Nice guys are sometimes called “Mr. Right” type men. They may have all the qualities women look for in a man – they’re handsome, well-dressed, financially successful, charming, respectful, generous, kind, considerate, etc. But if you’ve tried everything from giving her roses to buying her gifts to going on dates with her, she still doesn’t like you. What could possibly cause this?
The most common answer is that she likes someone else. That’s why she won’t give you more than a second glance when you approach her at parties or clubs. So what does it mean to be “like Mr. Right”? If you were like Mr. Right, would she notice you and pay attention to you? Or do you need to change yourself before she notices you? And if so, how?
I think there are two different types of nice guys. One is authentic, which means he genuinely wants to help people and make them happy. He doesn’t care about what other people say about him as long as he knows his actions will benefit others. Another type is inauthentic, which means he only cares about himself and making himself feel important. He might even seem rude, aloof, arrogant, or insensitive to some people. His goal is not to make anyone around him happier; instead, his main motivation is self-gratification.
In general, girls prefer the latter type of nice guy over the former. Why? Because he’s authentic. Authenticity is attractive. Women find confidence sexy. And women admire confident men because they know what they want, aren’t afraid to go after it, and take action. A confident man also shows that he has goals and dreams. This makes him appear interesting and worthy of love.
So what happens when a nice guy becomes inauthentic? How can he become authentic again? Here are three ways to get back on track.
1. Understand Your Own Motivations
You should always try to understand what drives you so you can avoid doing things just because they match your values. For example, if you hate conflict, then it doesn’t make sense to start arguing with someone whenever an opportunity arises. It’s best to avoid arguments altogether. Similarly, if you’re shy, it’s not healthy to attend social events alone. Instead, invite a friend along.
When you figure out what motivates you, you’ll be able to identify your own weaknesses. Maybe you’re too passive, overly accommodating, or lacking assertiveness skills. Once you recognize these shortcomings, you can use tools to address them. Therapy, books, seminars, and workshops can help you improve your personality traits.
2. Understand Other People’s Perspectives
We often believe our relationships are unique while everyone else’s relationship dynamics are universal. We tend to judge other people based on our experiences, but we rarely realize that other people see things differently. Sometimes we assume our friends are happy with us, but they probably haven’t thought much about it. When we ask about their happiness level, they might not even agree with ourselves.
Understanding other people’s perspectives requires empathy. Empathy is the ability to put yourself into another person’s shoes. It helps you see situations from their perspective without judging them. It lets you connect with people on a deeper level.
3. Become More Independent Of The Outcome
As mentioned earlier, nice guys typically lack independence. Even though they’d like to help others succeed, they don’t stand up for themselves. They want to please others and avoid conflicts. They fear rejection and embarrassment, so they don’t pursue their passions and desires.
To become less dependent on outcomes, you must develop courage. Courage is the willingness to step outside your comfort zone and do uncomfortable things. It involves facing challenges head-on and overcoming obstacles. Developing courage helps you break free from your fears and doubts. As Confucius said, “It is easier to conquer fear than anger.”
Another way to develop courage is by taking risks. By definition, risk is the chance that something bad will happen. Taking risks is hard because if you fail, you end up feeling ashamed. To overcome this challenge, you have to develop resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back stronger after failure. In essence, it’s learning to accept setbacks gracefully. It takes practice.
The above steps require time and effort. However, once you start improving yourself, the results will come naturally. Then you’ll discover that you actually enjoy interacting with others, having meaningful conversations, pursuing your interests, and sharing your thoughts. You’ll also become less dependent on other people’s opinions. In short, you’ll become more authentic.
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